Recommitting

Hey there, it's been quite awhile but I think it's time for me to come back. I think documenting this journey will help, so will your support.

Since September I've been working toward recommitting myself to weight loss, Weight Watchers and being active. It's been a slow journey, I've managed to loose 4lbs in 2 and a half months. Not Biggest Looser numbers, but I try to remind myself that it's movement in the right direction.

Why has it been a slow journey this time? I've been of the mindset not to be as strict with myself this time around. Also I'm letting life get in the way too much, when I'm getting off track it's not for an hour or a moment, I'll let it go on for a few days or a week. I need to remind myself that I don't want to give up what I've worked so hard to achieve.

I've just had a week of not counting/eating what I want (or exercising). Though I've enjoyed having treats without the guilt or worry, I'll be seeing those results at the scale tomorrow when I go to my WW meeting. I'm ready to re-recommit myself, to become a little more strict with myself, like I was when I first lost 63 lbs. I have since put back on 30 lbs. I know stopping here, drawing that line in the sand is a victory in itself... But I also promised myself, I'd never go back to the way I was. Here I am half way there.

What am I doing to make this re-recommit happen? I've started tracking using my WW app again, tomorrow morning, I'm going to start tracking everything, honestly. After a week of chaos last week (no time, with so much on my plate), I started exercising again today. I can't let one week beyond my control ruin two and a half months of work. Just a bump in the road.



So here I am, today somewhere in the mid 170's just before my workout.






My old running shoes recently died on me.



I've treated myself to a new pair of running shoes, for years now I've worn the Brooks Dyad, these are the latest model, the Dyad 7. I like that they've moved away from a white runner.

In mid-October I started running again, but doing my own thing outdoors on my favourite trail or in my Village. The colder weather (we've had some snow on the ground) has finally sent me indoors. I've been inspired to start the C25K Program (couch to 5km) to keep me motivated to run on the treadmill to give me a program to focus on, that will keep me going for the next 8 weeks (which should do me into January).






So here' today's program and my Nike+ stats! I am not a fast runner and I don't pretend to be.

It's a start.



- thanks for reading!

I'm In Control

I think I'm ready to come back now, I've done a few blog entries over at my stitching blog.  I've been thinking about blogging here for almost a week now.

Mum and I in Quebec City

Its been a month now since my Mum has been gone.  I took a week off of work right after it happened, I wasn't sure how I was going to be, or if my Dad would need my help.  I did help him when dealing with the funeral home, but he seemed content to take care of everything else on his own.  My friends and everyone I know have really come out in full force to support me during these difficult weeks.  It was good for me to get back to work, I'm glad I didn't take longer off... a welcome distraction.  We had private family scattering of her ashes, it wasn't as sad or upsetting as I thought it was, I felt at peace over that.  I've had the emotional day here and there, and I've started going through her crafting supplies (mainly quilting and beading) as I'm the only child who inherited the love of crafting.  I do miss my Mum.

How has this impacted my efforts to loose weight... well its been a rollercoaster ride for sure!  At first I was good, I went to Weight Watchers the first two weeks after Mum had passed.

The first week after her passing, I had a good week a 3 pound loss.

The second week, a one pound gain.

Then there was a two week gap, my excuses?  The end of the school year was insanely busy!  I also felt like I had been eating non-stop for over a week!  There were meals out, and treats galore which were hard for me to resist/say no to.  Instead of going to my meeting I was lured by the temptation of a day out with my friends Tracey and Christin.  I also didn't want to face negativity at the scale like I did at the beginning of June.  This past Saturday I didn't go to my meeting (on Saturday) for a good reason, I needed to get in to see my Sports Medicine Doctor as my Sinus Tarsi Syndrome has flared up again in my left foot.  That appointment and the meeting conflicted, I couldn't do both.

Before hair

Hair - after, being goofy at work us librarians can be quite sexy with a laser/scanner gun!

I took advantage of the day and got my haircut.  That was quite emotional for me, it was something my Mum and I have frequently done together over the years we would go see my hairdresser together and go out for lunch afterwards.  I broke down when Azra asked me where my Mum was.  Boy that was hard, I almost tear up sharing this with you.  My visit to Azra was followed with lunch out with Christin and her parents.  When they heard my Mum had passed they had let me know that when I was ready, they wanted to drive up (they live 2 hours away) and take me out for lunch.  Such a nice thing to do, it made for a really nice day.  Christin's Mom also gave me these miniature roses.

While Azra cut my hair (I have followed her around since 1997 and she always speaks frankly to me I love her to pieces), she talked a little sense into me.  Reminding me that I had to take care of myself and that I needed to be in control of my life.  That we don't have much if we don't have our health.  This has resonated with me this week.  I'm getting better and making the right choices, stopping when I'm full and I'm starting to track again, and doing my best to track my foods honestly.  I'm also trying to move more.  I never made it into the gym this week (I have made more of an effort to go this month) but I've gotten out for a couple of walks which I know is better than nothing.

I also have no excuse to not make it to a meeting or at least weigh in.  I'm spoiled in this area there are so many meetings I could go to if not my own.  Also less than a 5 minute drive from my work there's a Weight Watchers Center!  Today I was resolved to go in this morning during my break (I'm visiting friends this weekend so I can't go to my meeting).  I couldn't stay for the meeting but at least I made it to the scale.  Despite two weeks of destructive behavior, no tracking and bad food choices the result wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

After a two-week hiatus only a 1.2 lb gain.  The up side? I have put back on ALL of the 3 lbs I lost.

Happy Halloween

First of all Happy Halloween!

The kids at work took dressing up quite seriously!  I'm with a couple of Deadmauses!

I'm still finding it very hard to get my act together over this weight loss "thing".  I suppose really I shouldn't call it a "weight loss thing" that really makes this sound like something bad.  This isn't something bad, it should be something good, something I'm excited to do, something I feel great about.  I just don't.

I find I spend a lot of time frustrated with myself lately.  I don't/won't seem to be able to pull all the pieces of the puzzle together.  I know where the pieces are, I know what the puzzle looks like but I'm blindly putting pieces together... very poorly!

Yummy, tasty treats!

What are my challenges?  I need to make better decisions, I need to get control over my impulses!  I seem to be eating on impulse going with what I feel like eating... not what I should or should not be eating.  I also often keep tempting foods around or get offered tempting foods (sweets for me) thinking I'm strong enough to eat it in moderation.  Time and time again I keep proving myself wrong, I don't eat it in moderation (its more like all at once, gorging myself) or just throw it out.  These things I used to have no trouble with.  I would not keep tempting foods around, I would sabotage, throw out or give them away.  I also wouldn't buy them (which I keep doing).

The eating side of things is getting better, but not good enough to really show up at the scale.

No TaeKwon-Do for me right now!

No running either!  That waving blur is me!

The other part of the puzzle I'm trying to pull together is exercise.  I've had a foot injury since the end of July and I've been pretty much off of impact activities for months!  I was only allowed to walk short distances or cycle.  In September I re-joined the gym so I could take advantage of the stationary bikes, elliptical and weight equipment.  I was pretty good at going for at least twice a week for most of September and the first two weeks of October.  The last few weeks... not so much.  I've been focusing on that this week.  I've used my treadmill at home and I finally got into the gym tonight.

A little time on the tens machine at physio

Did a little too much one week and ended up with a nicely swollen ankle! 

Taping up for a little extra support!

I just need to get my head around this food/impulse control thing.

Stuff

Oh gosh I keep running out of things to say?  Or perhaps its the motivation to find something new to talk about, or maybe even having enough time to think up a good blog entry.  There seems to be a lack of that lately I tell you.  All of this being active and making proper meals really takes a chunk out of a girl's free time.

I didn't want to go to the gym today... but I went.

I was invited at the last minute to join some friends at a new (and supposedly very good) burger joint... but I didn't.  I stuck with my original plan and the meal I had planned.  I'm also weighing in tomorrow and a good burger could affect that.

I'm still trying, the scale will tell the truth tomorrow.

Stitching, Eat, Sleep... Repeat!

That's what this weekend was!  Oh boy!  What a fantastic time I had with my stitching friends tucked away in a lovely Country Inn.

 Showing off the ornament I received in our annual exchange

As usual I worry that these weekends will have an impact on my weight loss efforts.  I do my best to eat well and exercise leading up to one of my girl's stitching weekend.  Then leading up to dinner on Friday night I try to have a really healthy and low point breakfast and lunch.  Its once we start eating on Friday night that I feel like I struggle the whole weekend!

I must admit that this year, the desserts didn't tempt me, and there was no chocolate to be had!  Which was sad as I had been looking forward to having some.  If there wasn't lots of temptation for me this year, I still feel like I ate too much, and indulged a little too.

A few of us broke down on Saturday afternoon and while we were out picked up some chocolate to put out for the group.  I know I ate more than what was good for me, but at least is was good chocolate!  Enjoyable chocolate!

Saturday afternoon menu

 

I did get out on two occasions for 30 minute runs, so I wasn't 100% sedate all weekend.

All in all, I had a great time, I enjoyed spending it with good friends, getting in some quality stitching time and eating some great food!  If this affects my weigh in this week, I only have myself to blame... if I stay the same or have a small loss I'll be very happy!

Challenge & Temptation!

A couple of times a year I get together with my stitching friends and we spend the weekend at a wonderful, big B&B in the country.  That weekend is here!  Our motto says it all : stitch, eat, sleep... we pretty much do these in this exact order!  For anyone who is watching their waistline this is a tough weekend!  Our breakfasts are made by the B&B but the rest of our food is all potluck.  I must admit over the years we as a group have been moving to the healthier side of things.  But there are still treats about and temptations to deal with!

How do I prepare for this weekend?  I always try to have a good week beforehand, I try to stay within my daily points allowance I also try to exercise daily.  Besides teaching at Taekwon-Do Monday night, I've done exactly that!  So I try to stay ahead of the game.

The weekend itself, I bring some of my favourite healthy nibblie foods such as a veggie and fruit tray.  I've found a big hit seems to be a huge bowl full of red grapes on the table in the area we sit and stitch.  They are just so sweet and tasty!  When its meal time I survey what is put out first, then I decide what healthy foods I'll have a good sized helping of and what high calorie/fat must-haves that I'll have a taste of.  I also always take with me my running/walking gear, if its not raining Ill go out for a run or walk each morning of the retreat... in the hopes of burning off a few of those treats I consumed the day before!

Some years I succeed with this plan, and some years I fail miserably!  Some years I let temptation get the better of me and eat more of what's not good for me than what is!  Some years I don't seem to be able to stop myself from grazing.

We'll find out how I did this year when I step on the scale next week!

I'm So Durned Proud of Myself!

Happy Halloween!!!

I was worried about today, I kept thinking about how hard today was going to be.  Not only is it Halloween and the treats are EVERYWHERE but also at work it was our annual Cake Auction fundraiser.  So not only were candies easily available but there was cake! Cake! Cake!  Oh do I like cake!  Its one of my "gonna have it" foods, which means I will allow myself to have some if its up for offer.

I'm very proud because today I had one little two-bite cupcake and only two mini chocolate bars.  My focus was THERE today and I was able to walk away from quite a few treats today.  Something I haven't been able to do recently.  By the afternoon I was pretty tired and didn't feel up to going to the gym.  Since the weather is getting colder and there's nothing worse than putting on a cold sports bra (try it at -20c... I dare you!) I've started bringing my gym bag into work.  So I changed into my gym clothes BEFORE I left the building, this way I was committed to going to the gym.  I had a great workout and came home feeling great.

Instead of weighing in on Saturday this upcoming week, I'll be weighing in on Wednesday because I can't make it to my Saturday meeting.  I'm already feeling positive about this upcoming weigh in... I'm being good I haven't peeked at my scale.

My friend Tracey and I in matching pumpkin t-shirts!

Call To Battle!

Its been awhile since I've felt like blogging about my weight loss... well my lack thereof.  Actually its more of a weight gain, to the point that I am now TEN pounds over my goal weight.  Sigh, yes I let it get this far, I let it happen, its all me, myself and I.

I took my first steps to getting back to goal this past Friday when I stepped on the scale and I saw that gawd awful 155 on the scale.  Some time ago I swore to myself I would never allow myself to get over 150 lbs.  That was one big, fat lie because I've been sitting over 150 for far too many months now.  I've also been paying Weight Watchers since April, when I gained 7lbs over two weeks and I've just not managed to get it back off again.  More like I haven't tried hard enough to get it back off.

Somewhere along the way I lost my motivation, lost my self restraint, my ability to say no to myself.  Its often been 4 cookies instead of the 1 I know I should have.  I've been inconsistent with exercise, with diet, with tracking, with routine, with keeping my house clean, with putting away my laundry.  All of these things are just symptoms of a scattered  and unfocused mind, a sign of my mental state which has been just as scattered as my life has felt.

So step one was stepping on the scale and facing the truth that I am 10 lbs overweight which is unacceptable.  Step two was getting my butt back into the gym, at Taekwon-Do or tie on my runners (all three I have done since Friday), Step three was getting back to Weight Watchers.  I went back to my meetings this Saturday and stayed behind to have a chat with my leader.  We've agreed it was a good idea for me to go back to weekly weigh-ins to pay weekly until I'm back to goal, instead of weighing in once a month and only paying there.  Hopefully the support and motivation I need to get these unwanted pounds off.  Step four has been to track properly, eat properly, and eat proper meals at a consistent time (like not at 8 PM!).  So all of these things I have been doing since Friday.  I'm hoping for positive results when I weigh in on Saturday morning.

As a motivator to help me get there I put on my one pair of jeans that I know I only fit beautifully when I'm at 145 or less.  These are the jeans that are 100% denim there's not one iota of spandex to help hide things.  So here is the start of Operation Fit My Jeans!  Right now its not a pretty sight, there's definitely an unsightly muffin here!

Not a pretty sight is it?

One of Life's Proud Moments

Despite all that's going on I am still finding moments for life and commitments I have made and following through with them.  This past Sunday was an event I had committed to back in the spring by registering for the Army Run 1/2 Marathon!  I had every excuse in the book to drop out, to sell my race bib this year.

I used the heat as an excuse not to get out and run often and far enough (wasn't it stinkin' hot this year?).  Then almost 3 weeks prior to Race Day life was turned upside down with Mum's hospitalization.  I didn't let any of those excuses hold me back or stop me ... I spent the week leading up to race day freaking out, worried about how prepared I wasn't and so on.  As Nike says: "Just Do It" and that's what I intended to do.  My goal was just to cross the finish line, I didn't care how I did it, or how long it would take!

 This is what Freakin' Dark O'Clock looks like

I woke up Sunday morning at Freakin' Dark O'Clock!  Not my favourite time of the day.  With my bag packed the night before, and running clothes set out, I made a fantastic protein smoothie for breakfast and set out for what I was considering to be the craziest day of my life!

 Can't you tell I LOVE mornings?

Witness our nervous smiles?

I met up with my friends Amy and Marline.  Amy was supposed to walk the 1/2 marathon (21.1 K) but she sadly declared when I saw her at the end of August that she was "broken again" but that she would be my "Race Day Bitch" aka: chauffeur, photographer, Sherpa, water boy and more!  I couldn't turn that down.  Amy was going to take care of both Marline and I that day, Marline was doing her first race ever, the 5K event and I was doing the 1/2 marathon (did I mention that's 21.1K?). 

 Marline and I in our Army Run swat.  Black = 1/2 marathon, White = 5K

The morning started off cold, pretty darned cold!  I started the morning in a sweater but I gave it to Amy once I went to find my starting corral.  I didn't want to be burdened and I knew as soon as I got started I would be warm enough.  By the end of my race, it was a perfect day, sunny and 20c the conditions couldn't of been better!

 Injured Soldiers getting ready to start the 5K race

The 5K race started at 8am.  There was lots of ceremony to the event, the Governor General's Band was there to lead us through O'Canada, there were MC's, lots of press and more.  The start the race with the injured soldiers who get a head start.  That was one of the most emotional things I have ever witnessed!  You saw all kinds of injured soldiers some in chairs, some with one prosthetic leg, some with two.  There were wheelchairs, crutches, canes and more.  It was truly moving to see all these men and women whose life have been changed forever serving our country.  Marline used to serve in the military and she was doing the race with a friend of hers who was injured while in the service, she's in a back brace.  Amy and I both had tears rolling down our faces.  Then the 5K runners were off!

 5K Runners waiting to start

Not long after they took off, I had time for a quick visit to the porta-potty and I had to go find my corral.  I had initially pegged myself as finishing in 2hr 30min.  I knew after the summer I had that this wasn't a reality, I figured I would be more in the 3hr range.  The next thing I knew the Howlizter Cannon went off and it was time to get moving!  I turned my music on as I crossed the start line and off I went to conquer 21.1 K as best as I could!

 Getting a high-five from Marline at the 18K mark

The course took us past Parliament Hill, The Supreme Court, National Library & Archives Canada, National War Museum, across the river and into the province of Quebec for a jog through downtown Hull, back across the Alexandria Bridge, past the National Art Gallery, National Mint, 24 Sussex Drive (the PM's house) and up to Rideau Hall then back towards the Rideau Center, down once side of the Rideau Canal across it and back up the other side to the finish line.

My initial goal was to run as long as I could, I figured somewhere between 5-8K the do the rest of the distance at a run/walk (10 min/1 min).  I even surprised myself and RAN THE FIRST 14 KM!  Well over half of the distance!

 Mark who had already run the 1/2 Marathon talking me through the last 2K to the finish line

I knew a couple of other people who were running the 1/2 Marathon that day.  My buddy Mark from Taekwon-do passed me when I was at the 3K mark and he was at the 6K mark.  Carrie from work passed when I was at the 14K mark and she at the 16K mark.  It really was a bolster to see friends running too!  I had the best surprise when I hit the 19K mark and I was starting to run out of steam and my body was starting to protest.  Mark who had already ran the 1/2 marathon was waiting for me and asked me if I'd like him to run the last few KMs with me.  I certainly didn't turn down the offer.  Mark was amazing, he kept up this continuous pep-talk to keep my moving and my spirits up when I was nearing the end of my endurance.  Because of Mark I finished, and I finished strong!

 V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!!!!

I couldn't believe it as the finish line came into sight and I saw 2:55:10 on the clock!  I was going to cross the line in UNDER 3 hours!  2:49:42.6 was my official time when you take into account the time difference between the gun going off and when I actually crossed the start line.

 Receiving my medal from a Canadian Soldier

Nice touch!  Dog tags for medals!

Looking amazingly fresh and happy after finishing my FIRST Half Marathon

This was one of the most amazing, empowering, and positive moments in my life!  Right now I feel like I could do anything!  I'd like to think that one of my strengths is how when I put my mind to accomplishing something I WILL accomplish it no matter how hard the challenge is.

 Cooling down afterwards and using my cool silver blankie as a super-hero cape!  I felt like a super-hero!

I went from this fat, unhealthy 200+ pound girl in 2007 who the only time you would of seen her running was out of a burning building, to running a 1/2 Marathon 21.1 K!!!

You can do truly amazing things when you're stubborn!