The Negotiator

I will spend all day talking myself in and out of the exercise I'm planning on doing after work most days. I negotiate with myself.

You're exhausted ... Go home and sleep.

You've been so busy! ... Go home and relax.

Not feeling to good... Go home and sleep/veg.

Feel like a migraine is coming on, better get home just incase it gets too bad to drive.

You're almost finished that cross stitch project... Go home and stitch!

I could just go on and on! I'll also often tell myself I can get on the treadmill later that night. Sometimes I do many times I don't. I don't know about you, but once I'm relaxed for the night I don't like to get up and get going again.



So after negotiating with myself ALL DAY today, as exhausted as I went here I am, pouty face and all about to go into the gym! Yay me!


- thanks for reading!

Recommitting

Hey there, it's been quite awhile but I think it's time for me to come back. I think documenting this journey will help, so will your support.

Since September I've been working toward recommitting myself to weight loss, Weight Watchers and being active. It's been a slow journey, I've managed to loose 4lbs in 2 and a half months. Not Biggest Looser numbers, but I try to remind myself that it's movement in the right direction.

Why has it been a slow journey this time? I've been of the mindset not to be as strict with myself this time around. Also I'm letting life get in the way too much, when I'm getting off track it's not for an hour or a moment, I'll let it go on for a few days or a week. I need to remind myself that I don't want to give up what I've worked so hard to achieve.

I've just had a week of not counting/eating what I want (or exercising). Though I've enjoyed having treats without the guilt or worry, I'll be seeing those results at the scale tomorrow when I go to my WW meeting. I'm ready to re-recommit myself, to become a little more strict with myself, like I was when I first lost 63 lbs. I have since put back on 30 lbs. I know stopping here, drawing that line in the sand is a victory in itself... But I also promised myself, I'd never go back to the way I was. Here I am half way there.

What am I doing to make this re-recommit happen? I've started tracking using my WW app again, tomorrow morning, I'm going to start tracking everything, honestly. After a week of chaos last week (no time, with so much on my plate), I started exercising again today. I can't let one week beyond my control ruin two and a half months of work. Just a bump in the road.



So here I am, today somewhere in the mid 170's just before my workout.






My old running shoes recently died on me.



I've treated myself to a new pair of running shoes, for years now I've worn the Brooks Dyad, these are the latest model, the Dyad 7. I like that they've moved away from a white runner.

In mid-October I started running again, but doing my own thing outdoors on my favourite trail or in my Village. The colder weather (we've had some snow on the ground) has finally sent me indoors. I've been inspired to start the C25K Program (couch to 5km) to keep me motivated to run on the treadmill to give me a program to focus on, that will keep me going for the next 8 weeks (which should do me into January).






So here' today's program and my Nike+ stats! I am not a fast runner and I don't pretend to be.

It's a start.



- thanks for reading!

Pay Someone a Compliment Today!

How many times have you thought to yourself "she looks pretty today", "that colour look s nice on her", "hmm I think she's lost some weight".  Next time you think that... vocalize it!  Tell the person in question!  It could be the one day that she needs a compliment, that she's feeling low.  One compliment can change someones day, make them hold their head a little higher, put a spring in their step. 

Once your weight loss becomes noticeable boy do the comments start pouring in!  Those compliments are the proof that your hard work is paying off!  They help your confidence level, steels your resolve to stay on plan, and stops you from grabbing a cookie, chips, an extra drink, whatever your vice is!

Compliments when you're loosing weight are great but then once the people around you get used to the "new" you they stop.  You really, really, really do start to miss those compliments!  Today I got a compliment from a co-worker she asked me if I started loosing weight again.  Which I was very proud to answer yes!  She not only said I looked like I had lost weight but that I was looking a little more muscular!  Wooo hoo my hard work at the gym is paying off, my resolve to say no to temptation is worth it!

Talking about temptation, today I turned down pizza from my favourite pizza joint, and chocolate from the candy dish!  Also tonight I had a seminar to go to in the evening, the seminar and home were in complete opposite directions so going home wasn't an option.  In the past I would of grabbed a bite out, but this morning a little pre-planing and I packed a nice little dinner for myself.  I not only saved myself some unwanted calories/sugar/salt but a little money too.

Yay!  The weekend is here!

I'm Here, I'm Trying to Come Back

Its been a long time hasn't it?  If you're here, reading this and checking in on me thank you so much for sticking with me!  It just proves that there are people behind me in my struggle to "stay skinny".

What a struggle it has been!  Back in late March/April "staying skinny" suddenly hit a stumbling block.  I ate myself up seven pounds in two weeks.  Despite affirmations from friends and the people around me with the usual line that I truly hate "don't worry, you'll get it back off" echoing in my ears I have not gotten it off.  So I'm still not where I should be, my goal weight.  As of this morning's weigh in I am currently 8.2 lbs over my "magic number"  In terms of weight loss over the summer I seemed to fluctuate up and down three pounds but I've not even cracked that 5lbs within my goal weight. 

I've had stints this summer where I have a very good 2-3 weeks  I eat right, track honestly, and move more.  During that time I'll fight tooth and nail and drop 2-3lbs 0.3-0.5lbs at a time no big drops in weight just little dribs and drabs.  Then the next thing I know I gain over a pound one two weeks in a row and I'm back where I started.  Its almost been like a broken record for months now.

I saw an all time high at the scale on Monday, after a weekend of camping... which I wasn't as bad as I could of been.  Also I did some very serous trail running and hill training with some friends leaving me very sore.  I found myself weighing 157 lbs.  Oh boy, not good at all, when you consider my goal weight is 145.  I did have a sneaking suspicion (since I was up 3 lbs from Friday) that some of the weight was due to fluid retention and lactic acid in my poor muscles!  I started that morning weighing and measuring all my food, tracking every lick, taste, and bite and managing temptations.  I also decided at the moment that I need to weigh myself daily so there are no Friday morning surprises anymore!  Its been encouraging this week to watch the scale drop a little each day.  This morning, I was down 4lbs from Monday!  From last Friday's official weigh in to this Friday I'm down 1 lb which is again, encouraging especially considering most weeks where I have had losses they've been under a pound.

Here's the last couple of months at a glance:

The sad thing to all of this is I should be able to do this, I should be a success, I have been a success.  For some reason it just doesn't want to click, and when it does click its for a few short weeks.

So this week the motivation is there and I feel like I can do this.

Where have I gone wrong for months now?  I can assure you these are all excuses:

• exercise has been erratic, good weeks where I earn more than the minimum suggested activity points according to Weight Watchers (over 28)
• exercise excuses : too hot to run (actually it was a stupid hot summer), too tired, raining outside (bullshit because I have a treadmill), too busy, etc.  My distance running has seriously suffered since the Kilt Run at the end of July, partially because that was such a hard race for me.  I think I made it into the gym less than 5 times, the only times I did go into Taekwon-Do was when I was on the schedule to teach
• Not tracking
• Half assed tracking
• Dishonest tracking
• Poor eating and a little too much ice cream
• Too much fruit, yes there is such a thing
• Getting into the habit of eating when I got home from work despite not really being hungry
• Eating dinner very late (between 8-9 PM)
• Having a quick snack right before going to bed despite not being hungry
• Eyeballing portions
• Stupidly going to the Lindtt Chcolate outlet and buying a ridiculous amount of chocolate, now on the upside I did gift a lot of it and share a lot of it.
• Did not go to any Weight Watchers meetings all summer long, but I did make a point of weighing in once a month ... and paying which is required of a lifetime member who is over their goal weight.  Sadly having to pay $17.00 to weigh in has not motivated me enough to get my act together.

So you can see there many stumbling blocks that I have shared with you, areas for me to improve upon.  Like I said I started fresh again this Monday, like I have too many times to count this summer and here's what I've focused on:

• Weighing/measuring food
• Tracking 100% honestly, every lick, taste and bite
• Almost daily exercise, I've run almost 17 km this week, gone to Taekwon-Do once, the gym once.  I managed to get in some form of activity Saturday-Wednesday this past week
• No tempting foods, no treats except the ginger cookies I allow myself to have in the house.
• I turned down pizza for lunch on Wednesday
• Despite the temptation to get ice cream on two occasions this week I didn't
• I'm dealing with a VERY SERIOUS STRESSOR and I've not reported to stress or emotional eating AT ALL (so far)
• Despite being 10lbs over goal weight on Wednesday (155 lbs) I went and weighed in for the month anyhow, I was very tempted not to bother but I made myself go.

Besides deciding it was time to take the bull by the horns, get this soaring weight under control I've had a very tough week.  I work in a school, and the kids come back next week so its been crazy trying to get my library ready for the first day of school (next Tuesday), and I can assure you ... its not ready.  This summer I had to deal with packing my entire collection into boxes so the room could be completely emptied for the carpets to be replaced.  When I came back from holidays I lost a week of unpacking boxes to working in the main office since all of the administrative assistants were still on their holidays.  I then lost two days this week to software training... not only was I dealing with a collection in boxes, I have a new library software to learn.

Then on Wednesday night my Mum was taken by ambulance to the hospital.  She had not been well for some time now, but we couldn't get her to seek medical attention.  This week things were bad, and my Dad had to resort to calling 911 to get some help to get my Mum to the hospital.  She was admitted that night, and she's been there since.  We don't have a clear picture on what's wrong yet, we just know its to do with her liver.  So between trying to get the library set up at work the last two days (which I must admit was not very productive) I've been spending my evenings at the hospital keeping my Mum company until visiting hours are over.  Its been emotional, its been hard its been stressful.

My Mum is not well, she's very weak but I'm already seeing some improvements.  Her colour is returning (last time I had seen her, she had a grey pallor), today the IV fluids were no longer needed and she's gone from IV antibiotics to being given a pill.  She's eating her meals (she wasn't eating), and drinking plenty of fluids.  She's had a few tests already, an MRI is next on the list.

At this point I need to stay positive, to not just take care of my Mum but take care of myself.  To remember to stop and eat good food when I'm hungry, and drink my water.  I've realized over the last two days that I kept forgetting to drink my water.  At the moment I've not been tempted to bury my emotions by shoving food in my face but if that urge does arise I hope I can recognize it and do my best not to give in.  I also will be challenged to find the time to exercise (and to run... I'm doing a 1/2 marathon in 16 days!) as my Dad does need a break from being at the hospital, so I've been spending the evenings there so far.

My shift at the hospital tomorrow isn't until the evening since my brother is able to take care of a few hours.  So I'm hoping to go to a meeting in the morning and get in a run.  Ideally I'd like to get in 5-10K, if my run ends up being on the shorter side tomorrow, then Sunday will definitely be the day for my long run.

So there it is... I've laid it all out here for you and the world to read.  My shortcomings (failures) this summer, my repeated attempts to jump start getting back to goal.  I'm not sure how long it'll be before I post again since I am dealing/coping with an ill parent.

Here are some pictures from this summer of some of the things I did, I did enjoy my summer.

 Fishing with Todd... no I don't want to kiss the pike!

 Playing tourist in Quebec City

 Teaching at the TKD annual outdoor training/camping weekend

Taking in a show

Setbacks Lead To Comebacks...

Setbacks lead to comebacks, if that's true.... why are comebacks so hard?

I've been playing lip service to getting these 8 lbs I've put on back off again.  As of yesterday I've started yet again to get "serious", to get back on program.  Boy is this hard oh so hard.  At home my environment is temptation free, but work is a different story.  On Monday alone, two candy dishes with chocolate on it, more chocolate on the back counter at work, cinnamon buns, and assorted fruit breads on a table in the staff hallway, and cupcakes in student services.  Each of these traps I had to navigate yesterday, I almost crumbled a few times but I didn't.  I'm proud of that.  Today, not so many stumbling blocks, the same candy dishes are well stocked, I did spot cupcakes again, and one different temptation doughnuts.  Arrrgh!  Again I walked away from all of this.  Day two, successful.

The other thing I'm coming back from is that darned cold I had over a week ago now.  It took until mid last week to get my energy levels back.  This past weekend the congestion in my lungs finally cleared up and I ran for the first time on Saturday morning in 10 days.  It wasn't a big run, only 2 miles running 5 minutes, walking 1 minute.  No where near the 10K I'll be running in 10 days.  Today I had to fight myself to get back on the treadmill after work (the weather has been so cold, wet and miserable, almost like October).  Tonight I managed to run for 15 minutes (at a slower pace than before my illness) without a walk break, I was determined to put in 5K tonight.  The rest of the time I ran at a 5:1 ratio.  I completed it, proud of that. 

This comeback is going to be a really long road.  I just have to keep trying, eventually it'll stick.

Is Today My Turn Around Day?

Weigh in on Friday morning, was not good.  I wasn't expecting to be up two pounds.  I am currently 7lbs over my goal weight.  Something, honestly I'm quite ashamed of.  I'm just letting my success slip away it seems lately.  Its like a car wreck, I've been watching it, doing nothing to help.  Of course I let the scale dictate the tone of my day, I was not a happy camper.  Whose fault is this?  My own, yes I have to take ownership of that.

Not only was the scale a huge warning sign to me yesterday, but my friend Amy came and talked to me.  She read that I needed to set a goal, and like good friends do she threw down the gauntlet for sure.  We have agreed to register for the Army Run in September for the 1/2 Marathon.  Are we going to run it, we don't know but they do allow walkers in this 1/2 marathon.  So now I do have this huge challenge looming after the summer is over.  Amy also told me about the 100 day challenge she's given to herself.  To track and to track HONESTLY for the next 100 days.  Well Amy, I hope you don't mind me stealing this idea!

Let me show you last week's tracking, and I've written on it exactly what it is...

Lies you ask?  Except for the total lack of activity points I was well within my daily points right?  WRONG.  I was tracking creatively, tracking what I felt like tracking, even randomly assigning low points values for food that I knew were higher.  All in attempt, I suppose to make myself look good "on paper" to see those average numbers and think "hey I'm doing not bad".  Do you know how many times I delved into the various candy dishes at work and did track a single chocolate or treat?  Several times a day!

So yesterday was day one for me, I tracked EVERYTHING honestly!  I also stayed away from the candy dishes (yay me!).  For some reason yesterday I wasn't very hungry and had a HUGE point surplus (like 12) at the end of the day.  So in the end I did go and enjoy a SMALL DQ dipped cone after dinner with my friend Christin.  Really who could eat 12pts of healthy food and not be ready to explode.  Really I didn't eat enough points through the day (breakfast/lunch).

Today, day two is going well so far, and there's really only dinner left to the day and maybe a snack between dinner and bedtime.  What has made today my turn around day?  I woke up and decided it was time to face the music.  I went to my Weight Watchers meeting, weighed in and paid up (since I was more than 2lbs over my goal weight).  I stayed for the meeting and took notes for a blog entry (will be separate from this one).  After getting home I went out for an 8K run.  It was too nice of a day to not, and I need to start getting in a longer run once a week.  I then decided it was time to clean my house.  I don't think I've done anything besides scrub the toilet bowl since leaving for Arizona back in March.

I truly believe that your home is a representation of your mental state.  Mine was getting kinda disgusting.  So I've got a clean home to reflect a more streamlined mental state.  I've exercised the last two days, and I'm back on the road to going to Weight Watchers meetings weekly.

So from now on, there's only one way to go, up... I mean down.

I THINK I've Figured It Out

For some time now I've been down.  I wouldn't say unhappy but no-so-happy.  Hard to be excited about anything, hard to be my smiley bouncy self.  I've been wanting to stick close to home, I've been tired.

Last night I was asked by someone I've known in the Taekwon-Do community since almost day one who I don't see very often how I was doing.  He could tell in my voice that things were just okay.  Not "great" as I would often say, because yes I'm usually great.  When we had an opportunity to talk he asked me what my goals were.

At this moment it clicked.  What are my goals?  I like to think I'm a goal driven person.  I like to have things to strive for and things to look forward to.  At times in my life its been Taekwon-Do promotions, tournaments, weight loss, and well there's my stitching too.  I find something and I become determined like hell to do it!

I think right now I'm lost in the woods with no compass, a runner with no finish line.

I do have Ottawa Race Weekend coming up in about a month now.  For this, the biggest challenge for me was actually registering.  I've run 10K in the past (on my own), I know I can still run to 10K.  From the moment I registered I have stated this is just a goal to complete, even if I have to do some walk/runs I will go and finish this race.  At this point I'm still not excited or nervous about race day.

I was asked about my 4th Degree Black Belt as a goal.  At the moment that's more of a long term goal, and I have to get out of this funk and just go and TRAIN for this to happen.  Well that and I need to go to an International Instructor's Seminar before I can qualify to test.  The rule of thumb is one year per current belt level before you can test.  This November will be my 2nd year as a 3rd Dan so I technically can't test until at least November of 2012.  Of late I've not felt as driven or pushed to go and do better, be a better martial artist.  Again this could be all a part of this whatever feeling I've got.  Getting my 4th Dan would be a lovely feather in my cap, the first female 4th Dan at our school.  Yup I should get on that.

I've not been to a Weight Watchers meeting since early April, when I last weighed in.  At first it was because I was away, but really that was only one weekend this past month.  The other meetings have been missed because, I didn't want to go/get out of bed on a Saturday morning.  This Saturday its time to go and face the music, get weighed in (the weight hasn't really budged but its not gotten worse), pay for being more than 2lbs over my goal weight, and get back into the habit of weekly meetings.  I haven't wanted the support that my Weight Watchers meetings have offered in the past, I probably need this the most right now and I've kinda turned my back on it.  No one can be successful on their own.

So all of this has led to some very poor eating on my part.  Giving into my cravings, poor food choices, eating when not hungry, eating just because, and not exercising (my week ends at midnight and as of right now I have 7 activity points for the week... normally I get 25-35/week). 

Its almost sad that I've gone from this focused, driven person to what I used to be, a lump sitting in my chair at home stitching or taking a nap.  I don't want to be that person anymore or ever again.  I want to find my drive and vigour for life... I need something to strive for, and I don't want it to be just maintaining my weight (yes I want to do that), because that has been my life focus for over 3 years now and there's more to life that that.

I'm Home! Weekly Meeting Topic Week 8 - Portion Control

Me and the Dominican Experience gang at the La Romana Airport

I hope you've all not dumped me because things have been quiet for awhile now.  I've been back home since early Saturday morning from my "field trip" to the Dominican Republic.  I went to the DR with 10 students on a 3rd world experience (I know, I know this girl has a hard life right?) the trip did me a world of good!  Not only was it a great experience but the 7 days of sun and 30c did me well.  I'm finally feeling good!  Now if I can just keep this feeling... and hopefully with my trip to SW Arizona in 9 days I'll keep it rolling.

I am reporting about my Dominican Experience on my other blog and you can read about Day 1 HERE.  I will continue to share the links to the reports as I blog about each day, just give me some time to get through it all.  In an ideal world I'd like to get it done before I head to Arizona.

I weighed in the day I left, two Fridays ago and I'm happy to report my weight was back down, 3lbs!  So I was very happy to know I was heading off on this trip at my goal weight.  My next concern was to be mindful of what I ate while I was gone, I knew this trip wasn't a free ticket to eat whatever I wanted to for a week.  Last year I didn't cope with the trip very well, food wise gained about 5lbs while in the DR then put on another 3 during March Break (last year the trip and the break were back to back).  I then weighed myself the first morning back (Saturday) and I was down another 0.5 lbs.  Success!  I was just so proud of myself to be in an alien environment for a week and to loose weight!  I also didn't have access to a gym nor was there the time or environment to allow me to go out for a walk or run.  This week I've been dealing with getting my food and exercise back on a normal schedule.  I'm really struggling with candy cravings and I've been giving in, a bit disappointed in myself there.  I hope to do better tomorrow, each day is a fresh start.

I did make it to my meeting last week (Saturday morning) and have every intention to make it again this upcoming week.  It was great to be back, and I was welcomed with a big hug from my leader.  The meeting topic was portion control, something we always need to be reminded of.

We all tend to get "portion distortion" after awhile, become comfortable with the plan.  So if you don't already do so religiously its a good idea to weigh and measure your food on a regular basis to be reminded of what a cup or a 1/2 cup really is.  We tend to eat with our eyes and don't listen to our body's physical hunger signals.

Did you know that :

• In the 1950's the average dinner plate size was 9 inches?
• That Today the average dinner plate size is 12 inches?
• That the average male waist in 1950 was 35 inches and the average woman 30?
• Today the average male waist is 39.7 inches and the average woman 37?

Its just amazing how life and society has changed since the time of my grandparents or my parent's childhoods.  We still eat like our grandparents did, but they used to work hard, walk and cycle more, driving or riding in some sort of vehicle was a treat.  Today we eat as much or more, we drive almost everywhere, and we're "too busy" to exercise.

So how do we practice portion control?

At home :

• use a scale to accurately weigh foods, especially meats
• keep your measuring cups and spoons in a handy location or on the counter in plain sight
• level off when measuring
• use ziplocks and pre-portion your food in advance
• write the point value on food packages
• plan and prepare meals in advance
• be aware of what a serving size is

While dining out :

• Doggie bag 1/2 of the portion before eating
• order your sauce on the side
• Replace other foods/starches with vegetables
• Order salad dressing on the side, then dip your fork in the dressing before getting salad on the fork
• Order a kids/seniors meal
• Share

This past week's inspirational saying was "If you kinda do it, it kinda works.   When you really do it, it really works"

Have a good week!

Survived Christmas... for the most part

How did everyone do over the biggest food weekend of the year?

I did not too bad, I weighed in (at home of course) on Christmas Eve morning, and I was down 0.5lbs not bad really, considering how much I ate out that week (can you say 3 days in a row).  So my tactic of exercise every day and watching all my other meals worked.  I followed up that nice little weigh in with breakfast out.  Todd and I go out for breakfast to our favourite local restaurant for the last 3 years on Christmas Eve.  Its also our chance to pick up a few last minute things.

Me, Todd and my niece Emma

That night was Christmas with my family I host it every year and its very informal.  I made a massive amount of chili!  We had chili cheese dogs (well I just had the chili I didn't think the hot dog and bun were worth 6 points), salad, and ice cream Christmas log for dessert.  Now that Christmas log... worth every point its super yummy!  I got some lovely gifts this year... including a nice box of Toblerones!  So far I've only eaten 2 and I'm hoping to remain in control with those.

Christmas Day was spent with Todd's family we had a more traditional meal, turkey, roast beef, stuffing and all the fixings.  I did pretty well at that meal as well in terms of portions and filling 1/2 of my plate with veggies.  Normally I can ignore stuffing, except Todd's Mom's its divine!  There was also homemade pie!  Apple and a cherry pie, I had a small piece of both (heck I ran 3km before leaving the house).

Now it was Boxing Day that did me in, I was in no mood to go out shopping like Todd and I had discussed originally.  I was good until the afternoon.  I got up in the morning and made meat sauce to stock up my freezer, which also had a lot of leftover chili in it.  I also put the turkey carcass from Christmas in the crock pot to make stock (will turn that into soup today).  In the afternoon I had a slice of leftover Christmas log and it went downhill from there!  I had 2 slices of ice cream log and small pieces of pie (apple & cherry) as well that was pretty much dinner.  Now I didn't eat ALL of that at once but it wasn't healthy food.  I seem to be really good for an amount of time then I'll have one day where I kida go nuts-ish.  But I'm always pretty good at getting back on track.

Boxing Day Deals!  Nice new winter coat (Mum paid for most of it)

(New winter boots, mine looked like crap)

Always need pants for work!

Yesterday Todd and I went out shopping, looking for the "Boxing Week" deals.  I got myself a really nice new winter coat (ski jacket).  Last year I bought myself a cheap one since I had so much to buy as my weight had stabilized and my old winter stuff was miles too big!  I also got a deal on 2 pairs of pants, and a steal on new winter boots!  That has been the one huge advantage to loosing my weight, I enjoy going shopping for clothes!  Most things fit and look great!

Bad girl!

Now I was bad and since we were in the East end of town which we don't go to very often, I wanted to check out the Lindt Outlet store.  I did buy a "little" chocolate, and I hit the Bulk Barn for the jujubes I've been craving!  Felt a little silly spending 81 cents but as we all know its better to buy a little and enjoy it than buy a lot and pig out!  I'm hoping with all these goodies in the house I can practice restraint.  We'll see.

The Four Stages of Weight Loss

A member of the Weight Watchers Canada message boards shared this with us and I wanted to share it with all of you two its a fantastic read!

Four Stages of Weight Loss

STAGE 1: Honeymoon. When you’re in the Honeymoon stage, you feel eager to do whatever it takes to lose weight. You can’t wait to get to your goal, and you feel completely committed to your efforts. You probably always stay within your Points Target and control your portion sizes. And it’s likely that you track everything you eat in your Tracker, plan your meals and exercise. Keep it up!

STAGE 2: The Thrill Is Gone. This is the most frustrating stage. You may be saying: Why do I have to be so careful? It doesn’t seem like it’s working. Why can other people eat what they want and still stay thin? Why can’t it happen faster? If you’re at this stage, stick with it. Do what it takes to get the support you need, and see if you can reconnect with the reasons you decided to lose weight in the first place. Review your materials; you’ll learn something new you didn’t know before. Try new foods in your day or a new recipe or new exercise.

STAGE 3: Renewed Resolve. This is the time when you have a clearer set of expectations, with the added benefit of understanding how the process works. When you’re at this stage, you know that weight-loss doesn’t come easily, and you’re prepared to work hard. You’re ready to be more consistent about exercising, tracking your point values, controlling your portion sizes and everything else that goes along with building healthy new habits.

STAGE 4: Lifestyle Change. At this stage, you keep up your new habits even when you’ve had a bad day or week. You cope with stress and emotions in a healthy way. And you’re always on the lookout for healthy things to eat, and for ways to get in extra exercise. This is a great place to be!

Good Weigh In and Not So Good Food Weekend

With all that has been going on, I forgot to share with you this Friday's weigh in.  I was down 1.5lbs which puts me back at my goal weight!  I'm very happy about this.

However, I'm not so happy/proud of how I handled this weekend.  It was one of my girls stitching getaways.  I started the weekend with the best of intentions and I did not too bad food wise until about Saturday afternoon, and its kind gone down hill from there.

I ate temptations like this for lunch... (mind you I only ate 1/2 of the chicken and 1/2 of the rice)

Followed by this for dessert... I meant to eat half... honestly!  Oops, I ate it all (remember me and my love affair with cake)

This evening was a bit of a challenge as well because its my Dad's Birthday and we had a great family dinner.  I feel like I've eaten way too much, I ate 3 yes 3 pieces of garlic bread!  Also more cake, but this time it was only a sliver.

I've spent way too much time feeling bloated and uncomfortable from eating too much.  I know I've done better than I used to do, cause I used to eat whatever I want without a second thought.  Now I just spend a little time (not too long) feeling guilty about a poor decision.

Now on the other hand I'm hoping the exercise I've put in over the last 3 days will kinda balance out the food I've consumed in the last day and a half (and flush the sodium out with a lot of water!).  There was Friday's monumental 12.5 km run, Saturday I walked about 10km (in two installments), and this morning I put in another run this time only a gentle 4 km.  I have to admit my poor legs are a little sore!

When Can I Leave This Pity Party?

I've been down this week and I can't quite shake it.  I think I've been hosting a bit of a pity party the last few days and I'm getting a little tired of it.

I'm not sad, I'm not really down...

I just feel tired, fat, bloated, and unmotivated!  You all know usually I'm a Weight Watchers Cheerleader!

I'm sick of feeling this way, but I just don't seem to be able to shake it.  I am up a pound this week, and that might have part to do with it.  I try not to let the scale dictate my moods.  Normally I turn a gain into a huge motivator.  I get my butt in gear, I eat well, and I'm conscience of every lick, taste, and bite!  Not this week.  I feel like I'm about 8 pounds heavier that my thighs and stomach feel huge!  Bloated maybe? 

So I've been going around the last few days feeling a little sorry for myself.

I'm having a little trouble putting this into words so excuse me if I'm not making sense/rambling on.  But it just has to get out!

On the up side I haven't reacted to this feeling like I did the last time I had a pity party.  I found myself eating a lot of chocolate and candy, and not really caring that I was eating it and how much I was eating.  This time I find I'm sick and tired of my usual fare, I normally love salad, earlier this week I found myself eating half of my lunch salad and the rest went into the garbage bin.  I just couldn't face it!  A couple of nights in a row I've found myself mindlessly eating... finishing up a 1/2 bag of chocolate caramel rice cakes.  After they were all gone, the next night it was gluten free rice crackers with tzatziki and I keep finding myself indulging in these salty delights!  Tonight when I got home from work I had every intention of having a chicken sandwich made with a flat bun (I let myself get hungrier than usual before I got home), first was some ju jubes (my general store sells nice small baggies of these), then the sandwich, followed by rice crackers and taziki!  I was stuffed, but just didn't stop eating, I had to force myself to put the crackers away!  I felt nothing but disgusting and disgusted with myself afterwards and have all evening long.

I normally don't feel guilty, disgusted, or upset over myself but tonight I just do.

I think part of this comes down to being my own worst enemy, I quite regularly burn the candle at both ends.  I always find at this time of the year it comes back to bite me in the butt.  I'm exhausted, plain and simple.  All I want to do is stay home and curl up in my bed.  I haven't wanted to be online much, I haven't wanted to really stitch that much (a huge indicator that I'm not in my usual state of mind), I also haven't been to the gym in over a week!  I have been out at TKD quite a bit, Monday night is my usual night to teach, but the cold that's going around right now seems to be making the rounds of the instructors.  I got called in to teach Tuesday night as well.  So by the time Wednesday rolled around and two late nights in a row I can tell you that the gym was the last place I wanted to be!  I came home and slept for over 3 hours, made my first real dinner since last Friday and put my feet up in my recliner.  Simple things, heaven!

I'm looking forward to this weekend, I'm hoping I can rest, stitch, and be re-energized!

So there you go, that's my pity party... now where's the cake?

Weekly Meeting Topic : Outsmart the Supermarket

This week, I finally made it to my regular Tuesday meeting.  Its nice to be welcomed with a "here she is" when you walk in the room, nice to know you're presence is noticed/missed!

This week's topic was about the Supermarket game and how to win!  When shopping since we all love food (how else would we of gotten ourselves into the situation we're in : being overweight?) we are the ones who have to take control to avoid temptation and make wise choices.

If you don't feel like you're in control while at the grocery store, sit down and think about what you can change that you're doing right now when at the store.

• Do you shop the perimeter?  If you want to live a healthier lifestyle and eat properly this really is the key!  If you haven't thought about it or really noticed the perimeter is where all the good, fresh, healthy food is!  This is where you find the dairy, fruits and veggies, meats, breads/grains, deli.  Its in the aisles where you find a lot of the preservative filled packaged foods!  I do most of my shopping in the perimeter, I think all I buy from the aisles are things like cereals, rice, pasta, and a few snacks.
• Do you make a list and stick to it?  Sitting down and making a list, going through your fridge and cupboards to decide what good for you snacks you need to buy. While you're in the store its important to do your best to stick to that list, not to be swayed by special displays, end caps, sales, and the checkout "danger zone".  I always get what is on my list, sometimes I do veer from the list but its most of the time seeing a food I regularly have in the house on sale, or see a fruit or veggie I'd love to have.
• Don't go into the grocery store HUNGRY!  Oh boy if there's any time I find myself with treats/junky food in the house is when I've gone into the store very hungry.  That's when a lot of impulse buys happen.  If I find myself hungry while in the store I'll grab a small bag of baby carrots in the veggie aisle and start eating them while I shop.  I do always pay for them in the end... I find it just helps me manage my impulses because I'm busy eating those carrots!
• Avoid the snack/treat/candy/chip aisles at the store.  If you have a hard time staying away from that one treat that's your Achilles heel, try not to go down that aisle if you don't have to.  If you're not standing there in front of it you're not tempted to put it in your basket.
• Educate yourself!  Either take your points finder or look up the points value of your foods before heading out to the store.  If you know that full sized chocolate bar is 5pts and you only get 20 for the day, you think twice about that buy at the checkout.
• If you do give into that temptation/craving buy the smallest portion you can buy.  Sometimes its cheaper in the long run to buy the "supersize/family pack" but its not practical when you're trying to loose weight.  I almost always do this, or I'll go to the bulk food store then I control the amount of that treat I buy.  If its a pre-packaged item that doesn't come in a smaller size I make sure there's someone to share it with.

I normally do my shop on Fridays after work (I hate going into the city on the weekend, all the crazy people with their badly behaved children are out and about), I meet up with my best friend Christin and we hit the gym for about an hour first.  The location of my gym that I often go to just happens to be on the 2nd level of the grocery store.  So after working out and showering we hit the grocery store.  From the store its off to Costco, I buy most of my veggies here because I eat so many that it makes sense to buy the larger packages (oh and clothes... love getting cheap brand name clothing now that I can fit their sizes!).  Christin and I turn grocery shopping into a social event and we follow this up with dinner out.

Tuesday morning I stepped on the scale here at home, I pretty much stepped on it in dread as I am often up every 3-4 weeks and Monday I went a little out of control!  Saturday night around 8PM started craving CANDY (jujubes, twizzlers and the like), decided not to go get any.  Saturday/Sunday midnight, I'm suddenly craving CHOCOLATE worse than the candy craving.  So bad I almost ate one of Todd's 6pt tasteless yet chocolate coated protein bars!  But I didn't.  Sunday while I was out having dinner with some friends on my way home I picked up my favourite, a Chunky Kit-Kat but I waited until I got home so I could go halfsies with Todd (my other half).  Normally that's the end of the craving, then and there.  Monday I woke up craving jujubes, I mean who wakes up wanting jujubes for breakfast?  I guess this girl does.  Before my work day was out I had eaten 3 mini Hershey bars out of S's candy dish at work.  Then while at my Mum's she had some Swedish Berries, I had a good sized handful of those.  Then she had a big bag of Mini Rolos she wanted to get rid of... I was too weak to resist.  I had a couple while I was there... a number more while I drove down to the Dojang to teach Taekwon-Do, then quite a few more through the evening.  I'm sure I must of consumed about 20pts worth of chocolate and candy.

See why I wasn't looking forward to my weigh in?  I was quite surprised to find that my weight had stayed the same!  The cravings are now gone (thank goodness) my self control has been pretty darned good.

Well tomorrow is the BIG day!  People across Canada will be participating in CIBC's Run For the Cure in sites across the country!  This year is my 3rd year participating as a runner.  I have more than surpassed my fundraising goal this year!  As of this moment I'm standing at $1,385.00 raised for Breast Cancer Research!  Remember, there's still time to donate online HERE.

For tomorrow's run I bought myself a "gadget" a Nike+ sensor and little case to clip it onto my current running shoe so I don't have to buy new shoes as well!  I'll be able to totally track my runs and progress/pace/etc and see how I'm progressing as a runner.

Hopefully I'll have the ooomph to put together a post about the day tomorrow!

Note To Self

STEP AWAY FROM THE CANDY DISH!!!

Can you tell I'm having a bit of an issue this week?  All it takes is one piece of chocolate and its like a landslide.  Now I have to admit its only been one small piece, maybe 2 max.  But I was doing so well staying away and not craving it.  Now that I've had chocolate I'm craving it constantly again!

What Do You Do When You Feel Meh?

Today I felt "meh"

I've been tired lately (again), feeling pretty run down (again).

What did I find myself doing to avoid feeling "meh" today?  I started catching myself wanting to eat!  I have to admit I haven't had my dinner yet, and I've only got 2 points left for the day.

I've been very good at avoiding S's candy dish at work for quite awhile.  S keeps chocolate in that candy dish, and I am a chocolate girl.  I started out by having 2 small pieces of chocolate this morning.  I have to admit is was VERY good and I savoured each small bite.  Lunch was just not satisfying today (or yesterday either).  I did fine until about 1:30 when I seemed to hit the wall!  I was struggling to stay awake at my computer (some days cataloguing books can be pretty well... dull).  I found myself starting to think about eating, what to eat, maybe I should go downstairs and hit S's candy dish again?  I wasn't hungry at all!  I wanted to eat myself out of feeling "meh".  I didn't go downstairs and I didn't eat anything until I started to feel hungry.  I made the smart choice and had a yogurt, and a mini babybel light before going to the gym.

I had talked myself out of going the gym during this particular low point of the day.  I was convinced I was going to go home and go to bed.  When I left work I felt a little boost of energy, so I made the right choice and went to the gym.

When I got there... I didn't want to be there.

When I got going ... I still didn't want to be there.

3/4 of the way through my workout... I really just wanted to go home.

But I toughed it out and did my usual 75 minute workout (earn about 6 activity points).  Normally when I go into the gym feeling pretty tired, I come out feeling energetic.  Not tonight, it was such a struggle to get through it and not give up and go home, I almost gave up with two of stations in the weight circuit left.  On the way home I ate an apple, then when I got home a cup of yogurt and two cookies (Simple Pleasures Spice Snaps 1.5pts for 2 cookies).  So now I have 2 points for dinner (of course I can dip into my Weekly Point Allowance), thank goodness I've got a healthy, hearty, homemade soup in the crock pot!

When I was leaving the gym I had a VERY STRONG urge to get a Cadbury's Mint Chocolate bar, you know one of the BIG ones?  It happens that my gym is on the 2nd level of a grocery store and when you're walking towards the stairs you can see the whole aisle of chocolate and candy.  A night like tonight that is oh so tempting.  But I kept walking down the stairs, out the door and to my poor little car.  That's a NSV (non-scale victory) for me tonight.  I came home instead and made some healthier choices.

Is anything bothering me?  I don't think so.  I don't think any thing's wrong.  I just want some rest... and a bit of change in the food repertoire!  (Thus I made soup and chili last night!)

Yesterday was weigh in day.  I'm up 1 lb again.  *Sigh* I would of liked another loss this week... who wouldn't?  I know why I'm up and as usual its my own fault.  This weekend I allowed myself to relax a little.  I went to a party on Saturday and did enjoy some nibblies but didn't over do it (oh and cake, I love cake).  Sunday I didn't exercise, when I probably should of gone for a quick 3K.  I didn't really track all weekend nor did I concern myself about portion control (weighing and measuring).  I control what goes in my mouth and I did poorly at that this weekend.  Thus the 1 lb gain.  Once again I'm 2 lbs away from goal, I start to wonder if/when I'll get back to goal?

No One Else To Blame But Myself

*Sigh* this week's weigh in wasn't good, not good at all really I'm up 2.5 lbs.  I was so happy watching the scale slowly go down over the last month, it was a little demoralizing to see it creep back up again.  I'm not quite back to square one (where I was before starting this blog) but almost.  I'm hoping these extra pounds will disappear as quickly as it showed up this morning.

I know why I'm up and I know its my fault.  You may recall from my last entry that I talked about being worn down/burnt out!  I had spent two weekends in a row away from home, about to spend a 3rd weekend in a row away.  From Thursday to Thursday of last week I hadn't been home prior to 8:30 PM on a single night. 

Then there was "the run", yes "the run" was I think the straw that broke the camel's back.  I had gone from work to visiting a friend, from there it was to Taekwon-Do to assist/observe the Little Tiger's class at TKD (I'll be teaching them on Mondays starting September 13th).  Since there was about an hour between classes I decided to go for a run, instead of the short 15 ish minute route I had done before I decided I wanted to run a different route to a dog leg in the road and back.  Before I even reached my turn around point, I knew I had bitten off more than I could chew.  Did I turn around?  No, because I'm stubborn!  I had to run to that dog leg!  45 Minutes and 6KM later I made it back to TKD in time to take my own 60 minute class.  Can you say overkill?

Thursday I did finally take an "off" night, no exercise, no side trips, just a relaxing evening at home. Friday I revved life back up again, Todd and I went to the annual Takewon-Do camping/outdoor training weekend. Of course we camped from Friday-Sunday (surprise surprise not sleeping in my own bed again) Saturday morning we had outdoor training, and it was pretty warm out. I didn't actually do a lot of training since I spent most of my time assisting with the Little Tigers who were in attendance. By the afternoon, I was just pooped and ended up sleeping the afternoon away, feeling headachy and "off". When we got back home on Sunday morning, guess what I did? Yup I slept, for about 3 hours! Then I was off and running again to go have dinner with a good friend of mine, we wanted to get caught up before the school year got into full swing.

TKD Outdoor Training Group Shot

Performing Chon-Ji

Me in my TKD duds!

Me and this Little Tiger bonded over the outdoor training, which was followed by a water gun fight.  Unfortunately rank did not save me on this day!  There wasn't an inch of me that was dry!

The end result of all this activity and non-stoppedness in my life?  My resolve when it came to food went out the window!  My desire to eat chocolate and chips went out the roof!  Last week I scarfed down all the Cadbury Thins I had in the house, I also hit the jar of Nutella Todd keeps hidden (and thinks I haven't found ), ate M&M's and twizzler's that were offered to me, when the chips and s'mores went around the fire pit I didn't keep passing them on, but helped myself, and I had a few cookies and brownies at the Saturday BBQ/Potluck.  I also didn't track properly nor did I track honestly, heck the weekend I didn't track at all!

This all added up to my 2.5lb gain over one week!

As of Monday I have been back on program, eating healthy and filling foods, working out and tracking honestly.

What did I learn from last week's stupidity?  That I need to listen to my body, when I'm exhausted... I MUST STOP!  Not to let my stubbornness be my downfall (which sometimes its a strength), and that every once in awhile its okay to stop and sleep.  I am not Superwoman ... though somedays I think I am!

The Weekend!

I'm sure we'll all agree that as Weight Watchers members we all find the weekend the most challenging days of the week!  How often do we think "oh my God I can't wait for the weekend!"  But then the doubts sneak in... how am I going to survive it and stay on program?  The weekend sure is tough.

My thoughts on this, is that the weekends lack the routine our weekdays hold for us.  Monday-Friday its get up, shower, dress, breakfast, work, lunch, work, exercise, dinner, relax bed.  Easy to follow right?  There's the odd appointment thrown in there but we cope very well.  We eat properly, get in all our daily requirements, exercise, even turn down temptations.  Yup the work week is a cake walk.  Ooops did I say cake?  Sorry!

I often find the weekend is where my best intentions fall apart, often starting Friday night!  Almost every Friday night I go out for dinner with my best friend Christin, and you know what 9 times out of 10 we're very good with our restaurant/food choices.  When we agree we need a treat we always share the best way ever to cut your points in half, also that temptation to EAT THE WHOLE THING!  It used to be on Fridays I'd never get any exercise in but I've changed that behaviour this summer, with a trip to the gym right after work where some weeks Christin joins me or meets me there when I'm done.  This is already having positive effects. 

Saturday/Sunday it just depends on what's going on, if I'm home I do well in the food department since there are no treats in this house!  Some weeks I'm great at getting out for a run or a walk, other weeks not so great and I sit on my butt and stitch.  Weekends out/away are a different beast, this is where I find it hard to resist the temptations of yummy no-so-points friendly foods, and when other people are the ones to feed you, there is little control.  The only control we have in these situations is to choose wisely and monitor portion sizes, and count the points even if its a guess!

This weekend was one of my at home weekends, I did well... except for a trip to DQ.  This heat just screams chocolate dipped cone in my little world!  I went in the middle of the day so it wouldn't be sitting in my stomach all evening, had a very healthy points friendly dinner, and only used a few WPs to cover it.  Planning is the key!  Sunday was so nice and cool out in the morning that right after getting up I tied up my sneakers and went for a run.  So nice!  Also rewarding knowing that I got my exercise done!  The rest of the day well... sitting on my butt stitching, but that's okay!  We need our pleasures in our lives as well.

With tonight's trip to the gym I'll have gotten in the 6/7 days of activity that I try to promise myself each week.  Tomorrow is WI day... what will it hold for me?

July 15th entry : Why Is It Harder When You Feel "Meh"?

Yesterday was a great day on WW front! I handled the day's temptations very well (when isn't there a day without temptation?)! I was offered some home made banana bread, I broke a slice in half (leaving the other half behind) took one small bite and decided "this just isn't worth it". So I politely disposed of the rest of the piece in the garbage. I know it seems awful and sinful to waste food but why should I waste non-tasty goodness calories in my body? I think not. This is how I've come to handle any baked goodies that come into the workplace or any social situation, I take a bite if its VERY good I eat it cause its worth the points if not I dispose of it. I was also offered some CHOCOLATE ... raise your hand if you like chocolate... that's what I thought! At least it was 70% dark chocolate, I took a small piece to "try" dark chocolate again. I've decided I still don't like it. I know its better for us, yadda, yadda. But I love the sweet, creamy goodness of milk chocolate! I tracked my bites and wasn't tempted to have more. That's a victory in my little world.

I also had an AWESOME workout at the gym last night! At first I was trying to talk myself into NOT going to the gym, I could kinda feel a migraine wanting to come on. So I sucked it up, took my migraine medication 30 minutes before leaving and went. I ran on the treadmill for 21 minutes, did 45 minutes of weights on the machines really trying to challenge my muscles with as much weight as I could handle and max out at 10 reps, I followed this by 11 minutes on the elliptical. I earned a grand total of 6APs and I left feeling GREAT! That great feeling continued at home that I made fantastic, healthy dinner!

A few hours after my workout I started feeling a little dizzy and had a really good dizzy spell when I got up to close the curtains that I had to sit down. I spent the rest of the evening feeling "off". That feeling of off-ness has continued into today, and a general sense of tired all over. A Timmies run for a tea has perked me up a little, but not much.

So I feel "meh" today and its days like today that I find it hard to be motivated to be On Program. Both in the food department, its days like today where I want to eat everything I shouldn't hoping to feel more awake. Also its hard to be motivated to work out (or even just work!). I'm planning on going to my TaeKwon-Do class tonight, and only time, my mood, and how I feel will tell if I go or not this evening.

Am I the only one who finds it really hard to eat well and move more when they feel "meh/off"?

July 14th engry : Turning Down Temptation

Two years ago when I was first on my WW journey I had such motivation, drive, and willpower. When I was offered a sweet temptation I had the strength to say no. I had this strength for a very long time, but I find the longer I've been on "maintenance" (I say this loosely because technically I'm still trying to loose and not doing very well at it) the more relaxed I'm becoming.

Why is this? I don't know. Is it because I know the program inside and out or as someone at my meeting put it last night, because we're professionals at this! Or does it stem from a long time of denial that I'm tired of being good 100% of the time so I'm content with 75% of the time? Or simply because I miss my sweets and once I start I find it very hard to stop again.

While I was actively loosing my weight I worked so hard at this and now... not so hard. No wonder I'm 5lbs over my doctor set goal weight!

Last night I gave into temptation, I was offered 1/2 of a Mars Bar Slim and I took it without hesitation! It was good, I tracked my points.

I must resolve to try harder next time and say "no thank you" or only have a small portion of what is being offered.