Friday, July 12, 2013

I'm In Control

I think I'm ready to come back now, I've done a few blog entries over at my stitching blog.  I've been thinking about blogging here for almost a week now.

Mum and I in Quebec City

Its been a month now since my Mum has been gone.  I took a week off of work right after it happened, I wasn't sure how I was going to be, or if my Dad would need my help.  I did help him when dealing with the funeral home, but he seemed content to take care of everything else on his own.  My friends and everyone I know have really come out in full force to support me during these difficult weeks.  It was good for me to get back to work, I'm glad I didn't take longer off... a welcome distraction.  We had private family scattering of her ashes, it wasn't as sad or upsetting as I thought it was, I felt at peace over that.  I've had the emotional day here and there, and I've started going through her crafting supplies (mainly quilting and beading) as I'm the only child who inherited the love of crafting.  I do miss my Mum.

How has this impacted my efforts to loose weight... well its been a rollercoaster ride for sure!  At first I was good, I went to Weight Watchers the first two weeks after Mum had passed.

The first week after her passing, I had a good week a 3 pound loss.

The second week, a one pound gain.

Then there was a two week gap, my excuses?  The end of the school year was insanely busy!  I also felt like I had been eating non-stop for over a week!  There were meals out, and treats galore which were hard for me to resist/say no to.  Instead of going to my meeting I was lured by the temptation of a day out with my friends Tracey and Christin.  I also didn't want to face negativity at the scale like I did at the beginning of June.  This past Saturday I didn't go to my meeting (on Saturday) for a good reason, I needed to get in to see my Sports Medicine Doctor as my Sinus Tarsi Syndrome has flared up again in my left foot.  That appointment and the meeting conflicted, I couldn't do both.

Before hair

Hair - after, being goofy at work us librarians can be quite sexy with a laser/scanner gun!

I took advantage of the day and got my haircut.  That was quite emotional for me, it was something my Mum and I have frequently done together over the years we would go see my hairdresser together and go out for lunch afterwards.  I broke down when Azra asked me where my Mum was.  Boy that was hard, I almost tear up sharing this with you.  My visit to Azra was followed with lunch out with Christin and her parents.  When they heard my Mum had passed they had let me know that when I was ready, they wanted to drive up (they live 2 hours away) and take me out for lunch.  Such a nice thing to do, it made for a really nice day.  Christin's Mom also gave me these miniature roses.

While Azra cut my hair (I have followed her around since 1997 and she always speaks frankly to me I love her to pieces), she talked a little sense into me.  Reminding me that I had to take care of myself and that I needed to be in control of my life.  That we don't have much if we don't have our health.  This has resonated with me this week.  I'm getting better and making the right choices, stopping when I'm full and I'm starting to track again, and doing my best to track my foods honestly.  I'm also trying to move more.  I never made it into the gym this week (I have made more of an effort to go this month) but I've gotten out for a couple of walks which I know is better than nothing.

I also have no excuse to not make it to a meeting or at least weigh in.  I'm spoiled in this area there are so many meetings I could go to if not my own.  Also less than a 5 minute drive from my work there's a Weight Watchers Center!  Today I was resolved to go in this morning during my break (I'm visiting friends this weekend so I can't go to my meeting).  I couldn't stay for the meeting but at least I made it to the scale.  Despite two weeks of destructive behavior, no tracking and bad food choices the result wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

After a two-week hiatus only a 1.2 lb gain.  The up side? I have put back on ALL of the 3 lbs I lost.


Lianne said...

I feel relieved to read that you are feeling in control, while feeling so very sad for you and your / your family's loss of your mom.

I am also happy to know that you are surrounded by loving friends and are making plans to travel to see Claire.

Hope to see you soon. Thinking of you often.

Melinda said...

Reading this post has triggered so many different reactions.
Your honest posting about your mom was so real and moved me. Thinking of you and sending strength through memories.
For some unknown reason I forced myself to go weigh in this morning and see now I am 23.6 over my healthy weight.... I am on a mission to DO THIS NOW!!!!. Reading your blog always helps. Thanks

Amy said...

So glad to see you back.

Change and transition are hard to face and deal with and I applaud you on your courage to get back in control so fast. I would need more time.

Thinking of you and your family.

RC said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. :-( it's hard to get back into control when you feel the world spinning so violently around you. I've been doing the same for the last six months. At the beginning of this week I made the decision to get back on track. I don't want to worry about my health anymore. It's time to do something about it. Thinking about you. You can do it.