Friday, June 17, 2011

Not Doing So Well

I am frustrated with myself and my inability to shake this weight.  Its actually not the inability but the constant self-sabotaging over and over again.  I'm at an all time high since achieving my goal weight of 145 lbs, this morning I weighed in at 153.8 I've not weighed this much since December of 2008 when I was loosing my weight.  Its been 11 weeks of good tries at it and half-assed attempts, I really wish I could say its been 11 weeks of trying hard of eating 100% properly but its been not.  Its been one week of working hard, being active, eating right, and feeling proud of myself to being stupid and feeling like a piece of shit about the food I've shovelled into my face until my stomach hurt.

I go to bed each night and wake up every morning with the best of intentions, I have a good breakfast I pack a healthy lunch and snacks for the day... some days I even have to pack dinner too because of either teaching at Taekwon-Do or my Ultimate Frisbee games I don't have time to go home after work.  My house is stocked with the best of intentions too.  But good intentions don't get good results and kinda sorta doing it kinda sorta doesn't work either.

I don't know what to do with myself I don't know how to make it "click" again.  When I was actively loosing my weight I had no problem resisting, saying "no thanks".  Now its using the backhoe to shovel whatever's sweet into my mouth.

Something needs to change, the sweets is one of them.  I'm thinking something else needs to change but I'm scratching my head at what it is.  I am eating empty calories, yes but I'm not just eating empty calories and I'm not running a deficit when it comes to my daily/weekly/activity points.  I'm also earning a minimum of 20 activity points a week so its not my old habits of eating anything I want and sitting on my behind.  My activities are a combination of Taekwon-Do, walking, running, the gym and ultimate Frisbee.  So its not a my workout being static either.

I'm also tired of hearing people say "don't worry you'll get it off".  Sitting at over 150 lbs for 11 weeks now, yeah I'm worrying and I'm tired of my pants feeling tight.


Rachael xxx said...

You obviously need to get your head straight before you attempt to shift the weight, But look how well you have done, you are my inspiration for losing weight and having faith in my self!

Karen said...

You said once that eating the same things over and over isn't that good for us. I can't remember all of what you said, but what I'm wondering is whether you are packing the same things for your lunch and dinner every day? I know I have a habit of doing this because it's easy. Maybe changing it up a bit would help? Aside from that, it's great that you are keeping your activities up!

Anonymous said...

I have followed your blog for many months. I have stopped checking regularly because many of your posts have been... uninspiring. We all have rough patches, even when we reach goal and and by all means, blogging about it is helpful to you and to others. You have been in the doldrums with your see-sawing weight for going on 3 months now. Perhaps you need to stop focussing (obsessing) on it so much. For whatever reason, you've lost your spark and so your mojo is off. Remain accountable, keep tracking, keep up your sports and if you haven't already done so, maybe you should give a stab at the Wendy plan/see your doctor for a physical/consider counselling to explore if the problem lies elswhere. I mean you no disrespect; just offering up a different perspective.

Lisa said...

I'm sorry you're still struggling Dani, but please know you're not alone.
I keep thinking I've reigned it back in but then blow it again, and if I'm honest I'm absolutely terrified that this is the start of me gaining every single pound back because I don't know how to stop it. My friends etc keep saying how amazing I am having lost so much and maintaining, and I feel like a total fraud, if only they knew the crap I'm eating and how crap I feel about myself...

ollie1976 said...

Think about why you're not resisting the sweets. Are you stressed out more than usual and going to them for comfort food? Once you figure out the whys, you should be able to get back on track.


Anonymous said...

Danielle! You are a strong amazing woman who is an inspiration for all those who are around you! You have lost and kept off over 50 pounds for YEARS! You now run over 10km with ease AND are training for a 1/2 marathon with me:) I can't imagine how frustrated and disillusioned that you are right now - but the important part is that you are not giving up - THIS is what will lead you to success and to shedding those pounds when the time is right! Don't let those tiny extra pounds rob you of the confidence and pride in all you have accomplished. I have faith in you!

Anonymous said...

Hey Dani,

I am only guessing...but maybe it is an emotional block that wants you to go for the sweeties? Often the two are linked...Good luck and yes, you are great and an inspiration to many! Ann

Chris B. said...

Hang in there. I don't know what makes it click, but sometimes it really does and sometimes I can't put my finger on it. I'm in a mild funk right now myself... that's how I found your blog.

I find that reading blogs really helps me stay motivated. Maybe it will help you? Good luck. I'll check back!!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh ... I think I could have written that exact post. I've been holding, but not losing any weight and I know it's because I'm not making the best choices right now.

Jane said...

I know exactly where you are coming from - we all go there and some of us, like myself, go there most than we want to.

Don't let it get you down, just get going again. I have had a refresh and restart of my journey and it seems to be going ok, not great, but ok and that's better than before when I was going nowhere.

We can do this!!! Go Daniiiii :)

Sophia in Oz said...

Dani having followed your journey over many years I can say you are a strong motivated woman, though you mightn't feel it right now.

Weightless sadly from my experience (mostly of my own) and seeing others battle with it is a long term learning process. Each journey is different, though there may be steps that are common. My journey can't be your and yours can't be mine, however I think each person who has lost a lot of weight (sometimes several times as I have and am again) will have some insights. I now after 20 years of learning weigh myself fortnightly or more often monthly as a really rough guide as opposed to daily or weekly. I use my clothes as my guide and trigger point. I only wear fitted clothes, all my big clothes are gone (even the next size up), no more room for "just in case", and I have smaller clothes that are just that tincy bit tight right now as motivation to keep going, even if I have to buy something new to have a new motivation. I look in the mirror and love myself at my current size and shape - whatever that is and don't "negative talk" myself.

My advice would be to set a goal for one day, then the next and so on to sit within a weekly goal and have a reward - something you really want and can earn in a short time frame. Mine is a pandora bracelet - a rainbow I'm building one bead and 1 kg at a time, it is on my wrist each time I reach for food as a very visual reminder. Sometimes it's a new top or shoes which I will deliberately leave on my bed for the 2-3 weeks I need.

Any way I just to say good luck, I'm cheering for you!