Thursday, October 7, 2010

When Can I Leave This Pity Party?

I've been down this week and I can't quite shake it.  I think I've been hosting a bit of a pity party the last few days and I'm getting a little tired of it.

I'm not sad, I'm not really down...

I just feel tired, fat, bloated, and unmotivated!  You all know usually I'm a Weight Watchers Cheerleader!

I'm sick of feeling this way, but I just don't seem to be able to shake it.  I am up a pound this week, and that might have part to do with it.  I try not to let the scale dictate my moods.  Normally I turn a gain into a huge motivator.  I get my butt in gear, I eat well, and I'm conscience of every lick, taste, and bite!  Not this week.  I feel like I'm about 8 pounds heavier that my thighs and stomach feel huge!  Bloated maybe? 

So I've been going around the last few days feeling a little sorry for myself.

I'm having a little trouble putting this into words so excuse me if I'm not making sense/rambling on.  But it just has to get out!

On the up side I haven't reacted to this feeling like I did the last time I had a pity party.  I found myself eating a lot of chocolate and candy, and not really caring that I was eating it and how much I was eating.  This time I find I'm sick and tired of my usual fare, I normally love salad, earlier this week I found myself eating half of my lunch salad and the rest went into the garbage bin.  I just couldn't face it!  A couple of nights in a row I've found myself mindlessly eating... finishing up a 1/2 bag of chocolate caramel rice cakes.  After they were all gone, the next night it was gluten free rice crackers with tzatziki and I keep finding myself indulging in these salty delights!  Tonight when I got home from work I had every intention of having a chicken sandwich made with a flat bun (I let myself get hungrier than usual before I got home), first was some ju jubes (my general store sells nice small baggies of these), then the sandwich, followed by rice crackers and taziki!  I was stuffed, but just didn't stop eating, I had to force myself to put the crackers away!  I felt nothing but disgusting and disgusted with myself afterwards and have all evening long.

I normally don't feel guilty, disgusted, or upset over myself but tonight I just do.

I think part of this comes down to being my own worst enemy, I quite regularly burn the candle at both ends.  I always find at this time of the year it comes back to bite me in the butt.  I'm exhausted, plain and simple.  All I want to do is stay home and curl up in my bed.  I haven't wanted to be online much, I haven't wanted to really stitch that much (a huge indicator that I'm not in my usual state of mind), I also haven't been to the gym in over a week!  I have been out at TKD quite a bit, Monday night is my usual night to teach, but the cold that's going around right now seems to be making the rounds of the instructors.  I got called in to teach Tuesday night as well.  So by the time Wednesday rolled around and two late nights in a row I can tell you that the gym was the last place I wanted to be!  I came home and slept for over 3 hours, made my first real dinner since last Friday and put my feet up in my recliner.  Simple things, heaven!

I'm looking forward to this weekend, I'm hoping I can rest, stitch, and be re-energized!

So there you go, that's my pity party... now where's the cake?


jayne@~an eye for threads~ said...

unfortunately there are no invitations to our pity parties. They just come out of nowhere and grab us when we are vulnerable. Don't beat yourself up because denying yourself the simple pleasures of certain goodies only leads to eating more of other things and then still having the craving for what it truly is you are seeking. Even if you haven't figured out what it is your really want. Keep the pom pom close by and cheer like no one is listening. I sure hope you are able to get out of the funk and enjoy your Thanksgiving Weekend.

Anonymous said...

Step away from the cake! LOL

Hope you are feeling remotivated soon.

I had MY pity party last week. Stephen got laid off, I had an infection related to my surgery and was just feeling way overwhelmed. The old why me thing ---- and of course, eating was my solution. Over the course of my almost two week party I put on 5, yes 5 pounds. YIKES!

So, I had to self-inflict a butt kick and this week has been a bit better.

Ellen said...

Good morning, Dani. Good to see you posting what's been going on this week. What you've posted sounds like something that any one of us could have written ourselves. I know for me, this week has been all about how much food I can cram into my mouth in one sitting; you'd think I were on a game show or something, but there's not even any prizes involved!! lol
I know that my situation is hormonal, plain and simple. You'd think that kind of insight would allow me to overcome these bad habits but they don't which then gets me down, and there begins the cycle. Yuk.
Hang in there, Dani. You are quite a gal. The same gal who just completed a 5K, thank you very much. Be good to yourself this weekend.

Jo said...

I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment, I think it's the time of year. My weight has been up and down for the last 6 weeks, and some days I really don't want to diet anymore, at which point I eat foods I don't need. So I feel your pain at this point. Not sure what to suggest. Maybe if you are tired of the salads etc it's time to pull out a recepie book and try something new??? Just keep going - and remember how far you ahve come to get where you are today. And forgive yourself, this IS just a blip...