Friday's Positive Reflection

Over the last couple of Weight Watchers meetings, my awesome leader has been encouraging us to take stock at the end of each day, and to refect POSITIVELY on how or day was. Want positive things we've done to make us successful on our weight loss journeys. 

I've been meaning to do this, most of May... honestly I have and I just keep forgetting. I need a lot of positive right now as you know I'm feeling quite down on myself lately.  

Today I had my head spin the right place and I made all the right food choices. I was running really behind this morning and I almost said screw it, that I would buy breakfast and lunch. I gave my head a shake and quickly threw cut up veggies (prepping paid off here!), yogurt, cheese string, hummus, and crackers in my lunch bag and for snacks watermelon that I also had cut up already and an apple. So in the end I only just grabbed breakfast on my way in since I was already stopping at Timmies for a tea. I grabbed a bagel toasted with butter which is a treat, I love a good bagel and this one was maple cinnamon French toast, oh yummy!  The point price at 9 PP was a little steeper than what I usually have for breakfast but I did enjoy it and counted it. 

I am also proud that I avoided the ice cream temptation at Costco, on a beautiful warm day.  There's something about a warm, sunny day that just makes me crave vanilla soft serve!  Especially as you're walking in and all you see is every other person walking out, enjoying their Costco ice cream!

I did make a great buy at Cosrco this Keds for $23.99 I've been wanting RED shoes!  I might have also picked up a pair in black....

Pity Party

Well I'm having myself a bit of a pity party cause I'm failing yet agin. The last couple of years has just been a weight loss farce. 

I saw this on FB today and it's exactly how I feel!  I've managed not to do this (yet) but I did have ice cream for dinner as part of my pity party. Really helps doesn't it?  The good side, I counted the points instead of just ignoring it. 

I just keep thinking how at the beginning of March I had gotten myself down to 179 and here I am now up to 187 yet again even heavier. Again. This has been my pattern the last few years, drop a few pounds, put on a few more. Over and over. 

It's not just my weight that has me feeling so shitty about myself but my feet too. I am in so much pain/discomfort every day (especially since that 10k on Saturday) that it's hard to see beyond that and my desire to curl up into the fetal position and not get out of bed. 

Weigh In Fail

Well, I didn't expect this....

That is all. 

Ottawa Race Weekend 2014

Last night was the big night, Ottawa Race Weekend, and my first attempt at a race since my foot started giving me trouble over a year and a half ago!

This year I left early with plenty of time to pick up my friend Tracey, who was running with me and my friend Christin who is my jpmoral support in all I do and my "race day bitch". She carries all my stiff, takes picturs and will always be there when I finish. This year I decided to try parking at the World Exchange Plaza  and that was the thing to do!  It was easy to get into, lots of spots, easy to get out AND free on Saturday!  It was also just a few short blocks from the start line. 

Before we headed to out corral Tracey and I took out traditional start line picture. 

This year the start was different from the mass start of previous years. This year the corrals were started in 2 minute waves. That was the best thing they could ever do!  Instead of having to walk the first couple of minutes because the course was too crowded we were able to start running from the beginning!  Tracey and I decided to commit to two minute intervals, we ran for two, we walked for two. I would of liked to do more but my foot has been really sore for almost two weeks now and I wanted something I could maintain for 10km. The first 5km went really great, good pace. My heel had started bothering me shortly after the first kilometre, but then it always hurts. Ly left half had really tightened up too!  Around kilometre 3 the top of my left foot when numb/tingly that lasted to about kilometre 6. Then around 6-9 I felt like a cramp was coming on!   About half way through kilometre 7 that's when I started to struggle and my pace really slowed down!  But I kept going determined to keep to the plan!  

Tracey and I crossed the finish line in 1 hour 35 minutes!!!!!!  I'm very impressed with how we did, it's nowhere near as fas as when I was 40lbs lighter and running regularly but all that matters is that I did it!  That I didn't give up or just not show up!

Tracey was a superstar and helped get me through the race!  I didn't ask her to register with me, but she did within minutes of me saying I was giving to do the 10k this year. She doesn't run, and is not a runner at all!  She kept up with me the whole way and even had more oomph than I did at the end!  She is also almost 60lbs lighter than me and she does those crazy T25 and Combat videos so she's in great shape!

We have registered for a 5k in late September, the army run and were already talking about running the whole event.  I think that's an obtainable goal for both do us. 

My next step is to get into the doctor and finally have this foot seen to. I keep hoping it would go away, but it's not!

Big But Bittersweet Day Tomorrow

The first time I ran the 10K and over 40lbs lighter

Ottawa has a big run event each year, Ottawa Race Weekend which takes place tomorrow and Sunday. The races take place over the next two days, with everything from a kids race to a full marathon. There are 48,000 participants registered for the various events and I am one of those people.



I last ran it two years ago, about 10lbs heavier than the previous time

I registered in December in the 10K race, I've done this event twice in the past (and 40ish lbs lighter). I had to stop running for sometime due to foot issues. I had developed plantar fasciitis in my left foot, again. This time, not only did I have this one problem but somehow I also developed sinus tarsus syndrome in that same foot. It was a long road to start running again, physio, sports doctor, naproxen, an MRI, and two cortisone injections later I was feeling ready to start running this past October. I took it in small steps and all was well. So I felt confident I could do a 10K by the end of May.




Fast forward to March of this year and while don't a bootcamp at the gym I started experiencing pain in my left heel again, but not quite the same as before. AND I was having pain while I was exercising where I the past it was after, it took a few weeks to get things under control. I also have pain in the metatarsals of both feet of I step on something uneven and my ankles ache! Things are not improving and I find even my day-to-day is even hurting lately and there seems to be two things I can wear on my feet that are okay. Either my running shoes (Brooks Dyad) or my cheapie flip flops. Even my Birkenstocks hurt me!

I need to go to the doctor, I really do... But I keep putting it off. I also need to be assertive and insist that I get probably an MRI and a bone scan to see what's going on with my piece of shit feet. I need to see a specialist of sorts, someone good! I don't want an X-ray and to be shipped off to physiotherapy, go through that for a month or two before the physio finally decides he's not being effective neigh and says I need a specialist to figure out what's going on.



Needless to say in still register in this race, and my feet were feeling pretty good up until a week ago. I started taking it easy just over a week ago because of this event. Things were getting better, until I did something stupid last night.
My friend Tracey and I went to pick up our race bibs/shirts last night and check out the Expo and I did t think to change from flip flops to running shoes. I'm still really sore today!!! Fuck!

I had it in my mind and was training toward walk/running the race. Now I have to wait and see how I feel tomorrow and I might just be walking it. Bit at least I'm going to do it and I'm not a quitter.




It was worth my while last night going to check out the Expo, there were some great deals to be had! I'm super stoked about these shoes!!! I got myself a new pair of my shoe! Brooks Dyad, but last years model and I'm really cool with that!



As you can see, I got a deal, because I paid full price for my 7’s and I NEEDED new shoes. Also this is not a shoe you find in stock in every shoe/sports/running stores. I even trolled the interwebs and couldn't find a deal.



I also spied these Adidas No-Slip headbands loved the colours and grabbed them! I have a love/hate relationship with headbands. Either they're too big for my wee head (I get migraines cause my brain is soooo big ;-) ) or they don't stay put because I have super straight baby fine hair... It takes paying a professional to get a single curl in this hair. Well, I wore one thos orning, and it didn't even last 15 minutes before I could feel it start to slide back, back, back. What a disappointment and a waste of money.

So wish me luck tomorrow, I'm hoping the running gods will smile down on me and let me run as much of the race as possible!

- thanks for reading!

Ummm Yeah....

A bit of silence there for a bit. I think part of it was I wanted to hide the truth that I suck at this weight loss thing. Also over the long weekend (Victoria Day here in Canada) I just didn't feel like being online.





Last week's weigh in was a fucking disaster, I went in Saturday morning and gained 2.4 lbs. I've gotten myself totally addicted to sugar and well...




These! Vanilla Bean Frappuccinos!!!! I think I had 2-3 of them last week. I am proud to say I've not had another one since Friday. So I've been 5-day Frappuccino-free. Yay me!

I'm trying to make a conscience effort to whittle down my sugar, I know I can't go cold turkey, but I'm going to try to get it down to help deal with these cravings that I keep giving into.




I weighed in again tonight, it's technically a new Weight Watchers week on Sunday. It's another gain, a small one but because I've decided to move from Saturday morning weigh ins back to Wednesday night. With summer here it gets hard to go on the weekend. So another gain. This time 0.4lbs. Really I think that's the difference between a first thing weigh in with not having eaten/drank overnight versus eating and drinking until lunch time.

So with these two gains I'm now at my heaviest weight since I first lost my weight. The last time I was 186 lbs was May of 2008! I need to get myself and my life under control and with each gain I feel things spin a little more out of control.

Which of course follows with lots of negative feelings about myself. Negative feelings leads me to stuffing a lot of shit into my face. Time to get my act together!


- thanks for reading!

Prepping For The Week Ahead

First if all I want to thank everyone whose taking the time to respond to my last post! I am glad I did the right thing, speaking up without outright confronting "rude lady". You are all so supportive, each comment just makes me feel better about this blog, myself and I'm looking forward with more optimism theses days. Thank you.

I know one of my key secrets to weight loss success is to "be prepared" and quite honestly for the longest time I've just sucked at it! As I'm bringing exercise back into my routine after a few quiet weeks due to migraines, life and a few plain old lazy days, I thought I should start being more organized again for the week ahead.

I work full time, but I don't have kids so my waking hours are not taken over by caring for a family. It's just me, Todd and the cats so why I get so lazy there's just no excuse. The time is there, I just find once I'm home for the evening/weekend and my big ass hits my recliner I'm done for.




So this evening while making my dinner and some cookies, I prepped food for the week ahead. I made a big container full of salad for my lunches, I find it'll hold up all week as long as you don't put things like cucumber or tomatoes (heaven forbid, I can't stand them!). I even portioned some for my lunch for tomorrow. While cutting up peppers to go in the salad I sliced the rest of the up and put them in a container, I like to pack a baggie with carrots, celery and peppers for an afternoon snack. This week I also picked up a cantaloupe it's now diced and in a container for the week (portioned some of that for breakfast tomorrow). The less I have to prepare on the morning the less last minute junk goes in my lunch bag.




While cookies were baking I also took the time to put my clean laundry away. I'm very guilty of not doing that and just digging out clothes as I need them. I even took the time to pack my gym bag for tomorrow. Since I've hot the trail, two days in a row now, I should do some wights at the gym.




Speaking do hitting the trail, funny I didn't notice the trilliums in bloom yesterday. Today they were in bloom all over the place amongst the shade of the trees! This is the flower of my province, Ontario.


- thanks for reading!

Weigh In & Rude People

I'm quite proud of myself this morning, not only did I get my sorry behind out of bed to go to my Weight Watchers meeting (and to face that dreaded white box), but I decided I had time to hit the Beckwith Trail before the meeting.

I admire those who can get up in the morning and get moving!!! This girl cannot! My body is like nu-huh, no way, not gonna happen! I find I spend the whole workout dragging my ass, I can't move fast enough, and I find even breathing hard. If I do morning workouts it's because I HAVE to, otherwise I won't get it done that day. Or, it's because of my wired-ass allergy! I have been diagnosed with exercise induced anaphylaxis ... In plain English, I'm allergic to exercise! I can't exercise after I eat at a restaurant, there is something in some food that restaurants use that I react to if I exercise 3-4 hours after eating. I break out in hives, I have trouble breathing and I will pass out and come to repeatedly. Soooo if I know I'm going to be eating out I HAVE to either plan to exercise before or decide not to exercise at all. Otherwise it's Mr. Epi-pen (blue to the sky, orange to the thigh), and an ambulance ride to the ER.






I'm flying solo this weekend so I decided I was going to take myself out for breakfast. This meant if I was going to earn a few Activity Points, it would have to happen this morning! I'm very proud that I followed through with that plan as I don't love mornings and morning exercise even less.







My weigh in was a nice little surprise, I managed to loose 0.7 of the 2.7lbs I put on last week! I really wasn't even expecting that as it's been a slow process getting back to eating right and not giving in to my cravings. I also had decided to focus on the food this past week and work on the exercise this upcoming week.

Now onto rude people... This morning at my meeting we were celebrating one of our members who had reached her 10% goal (lost 10% of her starting body weight). She talked about how this was her second time around and between these two times at WW she has now lost 35lb. One member spoke up and said "some of us have lost three times that."

I was just flabbergasted that she said that! It's all fine and great that you have lost over 100lbs and kept it off. But we were celebrating this young lady, who had reached her 10% goal! Way to steal her thunder. We weren't talking about you or your achievements. I couldn't help but speak up, reminding her and everyone else that we all come and go and we each have our own story and we may not know your story or saw you before you lost your weight, but every pound that we each have lost was hard won no matter how much we have to loose.

So please never criticize someone's weight loss (efforts) even if they have less to loose or more to loose. We're all on the same journey we all just take different routes and some of us reach that destination sooner than others.

- thanks for reading!

Bad Blogger/Bad Weigh In

Sorry for the lengthy silence. I do have every intention to blog regularly, but my migraine lasted 11 days in the end. There's a bit of recovery from that, I've also been down lately which doesn't help. And well it rained for almost a week and has been cold and miserable which I find really effects my mental state.



Last week I decided to weigh in on Friday at a WW centre close to work. It was not pretty. I gained 2.7lbs. Excuses, sure I can give you a few... Not my usual weigh in day/time of day. Not the scale I usually weigh in on. I also normally have a bit of a gain once a month. I felt like I didn't do anything wrong last week but I own that gain, it's mine and I have to accept it.



I had a lovely weekend away visiting with my friend Kathy. I only get to see her during the warmer months, so it was so nice to catch up since we last saw each other in November! We talked, we stitched and we checked out a local quilt show. I'm not a quilter but I admire the talent these ladies have.



Since Sunday I've let things go downhill... Again. I couldn't easily exercise while away because of the rain. Yeah you can go out walking in the rain but I'm not that hardcore! So I've not earned a single activity point since Thursday. On my way home I stopped to grab some road snacks that were healthy... I did okay until I decided to peruse the candy aisle! Besides the apples and carrots I grabbed I now was in the possession of King Sized Peanut Butter Cups, Swedish Berries, and a bag of Golden Oreos. I was quite well behaved during the drive eating carrots and apples and only 3 cookies. I think things went downhill at dinner time, we were invited out to a Chinese Buffet with Todd's parents. You can't hide in your home because you're afraid of eating out and family is important, we went without question. It wasn't the best buffet and the choices were not great. I was counting on being able to have beef and broccoli, a "safer" Chinese choice but they didn't have it and barely any vegetables. I did manage not to stuff myself, but that's where the mentality well I've already blown it so why not kicked in! Once Todd was in bed I proceeded to eat my chocolate and candy. I did have a guilty conscience over the cookies the next morning so instead of hiding them and eating them in secret I put them out and Todd was good enough to make them disappear.


Monday night I knew I would not be making a good food choice either. My friend Tracey and I drove to Ogdensburg, NY across the border. I had to pick up a parcel for my Dad that the company wouldn't ship to Canada. There really are very few places to grab a bite to eat there so after some shopping we stopped in at McDonald's. Now I go there about once a year, and if I'm going there I'm having a Big Mac, fries and a pop. That's what I had. I'm sire my body was screaming at me by this point with all of the garbage I had fuelled it with in the last 24 hours. I topped it off with a Dairy Queen dipped cone once I was in the car by myself, eating in secret again.

I try really hard not to let failures at the scale affect me, but they really do and I become my own worst enemy! I keep buying junk telling myself that I can be in control, I can say no. But I can't, I can't stop myself when I get my hands on something I shouldn't.

As this week has progressed I'm working my way back to eating right and I'm almost there.

I don't know what is wring with me, the first time I lost my weight I had so much self control and focus. The last 3-4 years I let the smallest thing derail me and I keep getting fatter.

This is so fucking hard.


- thanks for reading!