Last week I decided to weigh in on Friday at a WW centre close to work. It was not pretty. I gained 2.7lbs. Excuses, sure I can give you a few... Not my usual weigh in day/time of day. Not the scale I usually weigh in on. I also normally have a bit of a gain once a month. I felt like I didn't do anything wrong last week but I own that gain, it's mine and I have to accept it.
I had a lovely weekend away visiting with my friend Kathy. I only get to see her during the warmer months, so it was so nice to catch up since we last saw each other in November! We talked, we stitched and we checked out a local quilt show. I'm not a quilter but I admire the talent these ladies have.
Since Sunday I've let things go downhill... Again. I couldn't easily exercise while away because of the rain. Yeah you can go out walking in the rain but I'm not that hardcore! So I've not earned a single activity point since Thursday. On my way home I stopped to grab some road snacks that were healthy... I did okay until I decided to peruse the candy aisle! Besides the apples and carrots I grabbed I now was in the possession of King Sized Peanut Butter Cups, Swedish Berries, and a bag of Golden Oreos. I was quite well behaved during the drive eating carrots and apples and only 3 cookies. I think things went downhill at dinner time, we were invited out to a Chinese Buffet with Todd's parents. You can't hide in your home because you're afraid of eating out and family is important, we went without question. It wasn't the best buffet and the choices were not great. I was counting on being able to have beef and broccoli, a "safer" Chinese choice but they didn't have it and barely any vegetables. I did manage not to stuff myself, but that's where the mentality well I've already blown it so why not kicked in! Once Todd was in bed I proceeded to eat my chocolate and candy. I did have a guilty conscience over the cookies the next morning so instead of hiding them and eating them in secret I put them out and Todd was good enough to make them disappear.
Monday night I knew I would not be making a good food choice either. My friend Tracey and I drove to Ogdensburg, NY across the border. I had to pick up a parcel for my Dad that the company wouldn't ship to Canada. There really are very few places to grab a bite to eat there so after some shopping we stopped in at McDonald's. Now I go there about once a year, and if I'm going there I'm having a Big Mac, fries and a pop. That's what I had. I'm sire my body was screaming at me by this point with all of the garbage I had fuelled it with in the last 24 hours. I topped it off with a Dairy Queen dipped cone once I was in the car by myself, eating in secret again.
I try really hard not to let failures at the scale affect me, but they really do and I become my own worst enemy! I keep buying junk telling myself that I can be in control, I can say no. But I can't, I can't stop myself when I get my hands on something I shouldn't.
As this week has progressed I'm working my way back to eating right and I'm almost there.
I don't know what is wring with me, the first time I lost my weight I had so much self control and focus. The last 3-4 years I let the smallest thing derail me and I keep getting fatter.
This is so fucking hard.
- thanks for reading!